"Savior He can move the mountain, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save."

How, I live by these words. How, with all my heart, I believe it is Him to do all. For me. With me. Its a song full of hope and trust. Love and peace. It offers all the ways to heal. This song was made by God and for God. I am grateful to hear every voice to sing it. Every instrument, every note, clap, all that it offers. God has put music into my world for a sole reason: to lift me up. God has given me talents that I MUST use. And yet, im scared. I lose so much in life. What if I lose a talent. What if singing, the only thing that gives me peace, is lost. What if God doesnt want me to sing anymore. What if I lose the thing that keeps me whole at this point. Yes, I have God. And I am a blessed girl. But, it hurts to think that I live this life dreaming for an unreachable dream. I put my heart and soul into believing I am good enough. And yet again, I am proved wrong. Today, a perfect example of how I lose when I was told I wouldnt. I always lose. I lose you and I lose at life. God has given me so much and I dont want to take it for granted, but I have asked for two things in my life. Him (as in another person) and to sing. And I lost one today, in the way I want atleast. What else do I live for. God? Yes, but I hurt. And I let singing clean out my dark dark heart. I pour my heart into my music because its my own Diary. God is the creator of me and He gave me words, stories, and music to share. And He can take it away. Like that. Fear of God. Its His glory I want to live for and I try so so hard. But I fall. And James is there to catch me. And I know that he will remain forever. As my friend. A friend God has blessed me with. But I let myself become a girl, someone who falls hard for someone who wont ever want her. And I get mad at God for not letting me have Cameron, but I know if He wants us to be together he will let us. But James. He is different. And I lose him. I lose. I always lose.