I havent written in a couple of days because I have been super busy. What with math taking up the majority of my time, lets just say, these last couple of days were not that great. Today I learned that a family friend of mine had to put down their dog and it made me really upset. Weve known her forever and it made me realize how upset I would be if I had to put my dog, Shelby, down. Then, I got to thinking about how much I take this life, or my friends life or my families for granted. And how, God has has given me so so much and I should never ever be bored with my life nor take it for granted. And yet, I am human. Lately, God has been pulling at my heart strings telling me to reach out to non believers. Or reach out, to those who are lost. And I try so hard but I complain about MY life and how frustrating it is. But they need the help, and I become a selfish person which is anything but me. So, I have been spending the last few days in my Bible and devotional books. I have a lot, all of which God has blessed me with.

Anyway, tomorrow my chorus is singing ALL day. And it might possibly snow so I am very excited. SNOW SNOW SNOW. I can picture it now. The world is covered in a white blanket. Its cool, but you can see your breath. I am so excited for the winter. And even though I miss summer, something about winter time fills my soul with joy. When all the trees are dead, and the leaves have fallen, and everyone starts to complain about the coldness, I just wrap up and take in the worlds cold days. Ah, love it.

In a few hours I will be heading to my friends house so we can get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to set up for the thing we are singing at...exciting. But, tomorrow is a day God has given and I will take it by the reins and live for God.

Today

Its been one of those days. The one that really really scares you and breaks you. Your heart rate increases and you just dont want to do what you know you have to. And unfortunately, as much as I wanted to run, I couldnt. So I faced today. Not with a determined face, but a face of gloom. And that is so unlike me. I didnt want pity, I really just wanted one thing. And, God sees it fit to not give me that right now. So I will wait, as long as I possibly can. If I am destined to have you, then I will wait a lifetime. Because I trust you and want you in my life. So, even though today started off with tears and heart ache, it ended with a friend. And that friend could make all the difference in the world.

Today, I found out who my true friends are. And for that, I am grateful. Today, I learned that asking for help is not a bad thing at all. It shows no sign of weakness. It shows you are not perfect, but youre trying your hardest to be the best you can be.

Even though today is been such a rough day, and it has barely started, I was looking through pictures of my little brother, and could not help but smile. So, as long as I have him, I guess I am lucky.

Life

I have learned a lot about this world in my 17 years of life. And you think you have it all figured out because life is good. Your friends are happy, your family is happy, and you are happy. And yet, one little shake in the foundation of my world, and it all falls apart. In one day, I almost lost two friends, I lost the guy I would wait for forever, I became more and more confused about what I am doing. My purpose seems to be hidden from me. I got mad at God, which I have never done before and I did not want to forgive him, but of course I did. I am a lost child in this world even though I have so much. I am by no means hopeless, for I have more than most. But, does God realize that I am lonely? Has he followed my path and found out that I am lonely enough. I need a change. Maybe not drastically. But something. I want someone who wants to hold my hand and walk with me in the park. Someone who I inspire, and someone who inspires me. I thought I had that a few years back, but I was wrong. Will God give me that? Will I become a lonely creature who grows to never trust before God gives me what I want?