Sometimes

You know what is really amazing? Meeting new people who in no way judge you because they do not know your past. I really enjoy it. I am still myself, but I don't hear them saying negative things about me. They are getting to know me for who I am right now not who I was a week ago or a year ago or anything like that. I judge, we all do, but it feels nice every once and a while to not have to worry about it so much. I can be myself and no one can tell me otherwise.

Today I wanted to make a post about all the things that make me happy. I find that when you grow up and date people, or become involved with family drama, you forget what exactly makes you and only you happy. Not what makes "us" happy. So I figured I would compile a list of those things. For myself. For no one else.


Here I go.


-Days that are bright and sunny with big puffy clouds in the sky. It is such a beautiful backdrop for a blessed day.


-Starbucks Pike Place Coffee. I love it because of many reasons. It tastes heavenly, but I love how it makes me feel. Not the caffine but how grown up it makes me feel.


-Driving with the windows down with the music blaring. Makes me feel free.


-Working around kids. It always makes me feel so happy. If I am having a bad day, just the love you get from the kids definitely can put a smile on your face. No matter what.


-When people play with my hair. It is calming and just feels so good.


-Music that makes you think. It can be from any genre but if it has some sort of meaning I am just hooked.


-My family. A lot of times I take them for granted but in the end, they are who I love and who have always been besides me.


-Animals. Specifically dogs and cats. I find they know exactly what I am feeling no matter what and no how to respond. They are truly magical creatures.


-Anything artistic. Whether that be me singing at the top of my lungs in the car or tapping my foot to a beat of a good song in a public place. I always have that creativeness running through me. Writing songs or stories that may mean nothing to anyone but me but they mean something.


-Thinking of stories or alternatives to what has actually happened or what may happen in my head. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel in control. It makes me feel more confident than I actually am.


-Those small realizations you come across every once in a while that plaster a smile on your face that probably looks crazy but makes perfect sense to you.


-Wind. Not the crazy, scary winds, but the gentle breezes that whip your hair around your face and make your shirt or dress fly a little wildly. I a lot of people hate those, but I find them a reminder of how in control God is. It always brings a pleasant smell.


-Laughing. I don't do it nearly as often as I would like, but I do love it. It is very freeing. I feel like it kicks out all those harmful toxins of life right out of your body.

I've been writing a lot lately, then realized why not just write on my blog which is the point of this. I have been coming to Starbucks a lot lately to just write. I like it. It is always cold here. It keeps my mind awake and flowing, which is definitely what I need right now. It keeps me awake. I really miss him, more than I thought I would. No, that is a lie. I knew I'd miss him, but I expected it to hurt a little less now. 2 weeks. It isnt that long, but at the same time it is. And the one person I need right now is not really here anymore. It is like I am no longer existing without the two people I gave my all too. Every song out there reminds me of one of the other. Both broke my heart. Both loved me. Both left. It is just wonderful. Sometimes I wish I could just stand up in the middle of this coffee shop and scream and let people stare at me like I was crazy. I don't think I would care. Sometimes I have to fight back tears. They sting and make it hard to see. My eyes are sure to be red and bloodshot. I doubt people notice around me. They have their own problems and lives but I wish someone would. Someone I don't know at all, who cannot judge me for they don't know my past. Maybe they would listen and give me the best advice. Or maybe they would look at me like I was absolutely insane. Either way, it would be a new perspective.
You know how everyone has a moment they want to go back in time too? I have two. One I was taken. One I was single. Both equally happy parts in my life. Both that have helped mold me into what I am right now. I miss them both for different reasons. Maybe I wouldnt have screwed up so badly if I just stayed where I was supposed to be and kept falling for someone I knew I couldnt have. Or maybe I would have married the guy I love deeply if I didn't know the fellow guy. Both impossible now, but both run through my mind. I loved them both in totally different ways. Both invade my mind some times. But one stands out from the other in a totally different reason. And I cant go back to that.

Make is My Medicine!

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Love

Cold.

CWR

I'm going back :)